Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
