You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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