how can u be prego again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
