We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
