Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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