He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
