I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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