under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize