Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
