I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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