why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize