I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
