You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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