i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize