i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
