got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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