This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I supernannyed him into submission
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
