our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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