Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
