I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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