i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
