So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
