cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
