Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
