Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
