So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
