I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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