the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
