just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
