Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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