I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize