so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
