My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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