did you get engaged???
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
