I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
