please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
