Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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