Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
