His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
