I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
