just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
