I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
