If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
