I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
