I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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