you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
