If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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