My liver just broke up with me...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
