I have demons in me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
