Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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