I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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