I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
