I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
