this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
