why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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