So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
