Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
