Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
