do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
