I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize