I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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