Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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