Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
