drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
