We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
