why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I will be naked everywhere
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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