Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
