Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
