You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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