Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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